He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Boobs are out for the taking
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
