If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
