ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
