We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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