Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
