i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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