Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I just want to make out with him forever
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
