So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
