a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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