Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize