Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
