now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Randomize
