dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
