My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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