So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
