why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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