He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
