You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
