Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
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