I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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