Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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