I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
