I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
