that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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