shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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