You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I am naked and annoyed.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
