he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
