if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
