Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
And then he peed in my hair
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