Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
