I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
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