dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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