I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
You're earring is so big in my mouth
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
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