when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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