well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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