wrigley field is MILF paradise
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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