I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
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i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
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Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
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