I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I still have a little drunk in my system
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
