I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
