I hate all girls vehemently.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
