so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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