i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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