so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
