Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
