I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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