I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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