a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
