this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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