i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Well I just put wine in my tea
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
