new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
