My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Dear god my vagina.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
