hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I need a beard to bite.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
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