they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
