Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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