I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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