We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
