Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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