Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
