bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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