I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
