ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
