I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I'm like, not good at living.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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