Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
