Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
