I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
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I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
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He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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