New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
