i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
