Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
