i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
