mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
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