I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize