So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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