You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
