i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
