I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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