would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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