I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Randomize
