I am puke
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
