My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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