I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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