No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
he puts the penis in happiness.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
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