Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
did you just send me my own nude
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Randomize
