Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
