she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
