who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
We need to rekindle our bromance
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
